In her own words...
Where do I begin?
My calling to be a caseworker/counselor came when I was 16-years-old. It was at the moment that I watched my adoption caseworker drive away with my one-day-old baby in her car that God impressed upon me that I was to be a Birthmother Caseworker, and I said, "no".
It seemed too difficult. The pain was raw, deep, unfathomable, and there was no simple way to describe it for others to understand. Add the judgment on top of that...who in their right mind would want to be a part of something so difficult. Right?
Fast forward sixteen years and some hard life - divorce, miscarriages, the financial disaster of 2008, my then 8-year-old being diagnosed with cancer...and, the never-ending nagging in my soul that I was not living out my calling. With four kids 10 and under, I reenrolled in college and completed my bachelor and masters degrees and immediately secured employment as a Birthmother Caseworker.
I struggled with the drastic change from not telling anyone my "secret" to telling everyone my story. Being a birthmother was finally accepted and celebrated and I did not know what to do with all of those emotions. After two years, I changed career paths.
But, the calling never left - it only grew. After more difficult life challenges, I decided to go back to college and pursue a doctoral degree. Through that pursuit, I was able to complete the needed requirements to obtain clinical counseling licensure in North Carolina.
However, my personal life still wasn't what I longed for and I couldn't understand how I kept finding myself in failed relationships. I wasn't the one being emotionally absent. I wasn't the one being cruel. I desired to be a good wife but the harder I tried to find "the one" the further that dream seemed to get. How did I keep finding myself in these situations? Where was God and why did He seem to let me make decisions contrary to His promises? I had to step back and realize there was a common denominator in these situations...and, it was ME!
I began a personal healing journey by going to therapy consistently myself. I discovered how my childhood and traumatic experiences in life influenced who I was and who I was allowing in my life. Once I acknowledged my own issues, I was able to better discern friendships and potential partners who were healthy for me.
Throughout my journey, I have lost family members and friends. But, I have also allowed God to use my pain for His purposes. I no longer shy away from sharing my struggles, but embrace the "ick" so that I might possibly give hope to someone else going through similar things. I have been judged. I have been ridiculed. I have been misunderstood. I have messed up...and, picked myself back up.
You see, we have choices in life - do we become bitter, or do we become better? Do we embrace our own humanity, or do we pretend to be someone we are not? Do we hide behind our "failures" or do we allow God to work through our failings and use them for good?
I'll never pretend to have all the answers, but I know the One who does. He has restored the loneliest places in my soul. He pursues me with great urgency. He has blessed me beyond measure.
The titles "doctor" and "licensed" are milestones I'm grateful for, but the real joy comes from seeing people set free - a reminder of what happens when you're willing to say, "Here I am. Send me."
It is a privilege to be able to offer counseling, coaching, and/or consulting services to you. Please reach out to see if I am a good fit for your needs.